But What Do I Say Now?
by Diathorn
Summary: Kagome comes back from a camping trip to find that Inuyasha has gotten himself into trouble. Seems Inuyasha took a trip to China...
1. Default Chapter

I have to thank my friend Kuro for spouting out this gibberish on the way home from a local Jack-In-The-Box. I don't own Inuyasha, Kagome, etc. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I do own the rights on a completely original character. He's a half-human, half-dog demon who is not in any way similar to Inuyasha in any conceivable way that would result in me getting sued. His name is Inyuendo, pronounced In-yu-en-do. On with the fic!  
  
Kagome had just got back to Japan's Feudal era after a long camping trip. Inuyasha hadn't liked it one bit and left moping when she told him.  
  
"I hope he's over it by now." Kagome said out loud.  
  
Kagome wound her way to the village and to Kaede's house. Kaede wasn't to be seen but Inuyasha was moping in the corner and Miroku was making some tea. His left arm was in a sling.  
  
"Hi Inuyasha! Miss me?"  
  
Inuyasha grunted and continued to mope.  
  
"What's wrong with him? He has been like this since I left?"  
  
"Sadly no Kagome." Miroku said while he poured himself a cup of tea. "He traveled to China while you were gone."  
  
"Wow. He can move fast."  
  
"Even I was surprised. But he ran into some trouble."  
  
"Naraku? Sesshomaru? Some powerful demon? No! Don't tell me, Kikyo?"  
  
"Nothing that simple. Inuyasha fell into some sort of spring and now he's cursed. I think he said it was the Spring of Drowned Neko-chan or something."  
  
"What? Cursed? What sort of curse?"  
  
"I think it'll be better to show you."  
  
Inuyasha's ears pricked up at that.  
  
"No you don't! I'm not transforming! I'll rip your perverted head from your body if you even try!"  
  
"Calm down Inuyasha. Is it that bad Miroku?"  
  
"Not really, but if you could restrain him."  
  
"Kagome don't you..."  
  
"Sit boy!"  
  
*Whump*  
  
"Now we just pour some cold water on him and presto!"  
  
Miroku splashed a conveniently placed bucket of water on the semi-comatose Inuyasha. There was a puff of smoke and when it cleared Inuyasha was transformed. Kagome was unable to speak, and then.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha! You turned into a cat-girl!"  
  
Inuyasha was, indeed, a cat-girl, complete with oversized paws, a bell on the rosary necklace, and a cat tail sticking out of his, or rather her robes. Inuyasha was not amused. It was a long time before Kagome stopped laughing and even Miroku was trying hard not to join her.  
  
"You think it's funny don't you? Do you know how embarrassing it is for me? I can only thank the gods that no one I know saw me."  
  
"And then you can here and I didn't recognize you with your newfound 'additions.'"  
  
"Miroku, you didn't try to..."  
  
"That's why my arm's broken. In three places. I really doubt it was worth it."  
  
"So what are you going to do Inuyasha? Care to go shopping with me? We can pick you out a cute dress or maybe get you some catnip. But what do I say now? Sit girl?"  
  
*Whump*  
  
Cursing, Inuyasha picked herself off the floor.  
  
"What I'm going to do is go back to that Jusenkyo place and cure myself and not deal with your smart ass jokes!"  
  
At that moment Sango and Kilala walked inside with Sesshomaru behind them.  
  
"Hey Kagome! I thought I heard Inuyasha in here. Sesshomaru wanted to have a brother-to-brother talk, without the fighting."  
  
"Brother-to-sister you mean. Ha ha ha ha!"  
  
"This couldn't get any worse!"  
  
"Aaaagh!"  
  
Ranma Saotome jerked out of bed, panting in terror. Genma rose with a start.  
  
"Son? What is it?"  
  
"I had this horrible nightmare. I dreamt I was a dog demon that was cursed to turn into a cat girl."  
  
"Well shut up and go back to sleep! Some of us are trying to sleep here."  
  
Genma fell asleep before he hit the pillow.  
  
"But it felt so real."  
  
Meanwhile, thanks to a trip through the Bone-Eater's Well and a pair of roundtrip airplane tickets to China.  
  
"Oh, so you dog demon who turn into man under new moon but now cursed to turn into cat girl. Very unfortunate. I been guide to Jusenkyo springs all my life but never hear a more tragic tale."  
  
"Which spring will turn me back?"  
  
"Why want to turn back? You handsome dog demon guy and turn into cat girl. You have best of both sex appeals."  
  
"Why I oughta!"  
  
"Inuyasha look out! You're about to step..."  
  
*Splash*  
  
"...Into another spring."  
  
"Oh you have no good luck sir. You fall into Spring of Sarcastic Jerk! A sarcastic jerk drowned in that spring 2000 years ago. Is very cursed spring. Very odd thing is no one mind sarcastic jerk drowned."  
  
"Ya don't say? Yo Kagome! Hand me a towel."  
  
That's the end of that. Three things before the end. 1) This is a one-shot joke, no sequels of any kind planned or allowed. 2) Please leave reviews. And 3) the joke with Inyuendo is Innuendo (an indirect remark or gesture that usually caries a suggestion of impropriety).  
  
P.S. Did you know that the voice actors for Inuyasha and Kikyo in the Japanese version are the same voice actors as for Ranma and Akane from Ranma 1/2 respectively? That's kind of a creepy thought. 


	2. If This Made Cents I'd Be Richard

Chapter 2If This Made Cents I'd Be Richard  
  
I know I said this was a one shot but I kept coming up with ideas! Curses! Damn my creative genius! Why must only the most supremely charming, charismatic and modest, can't forget modest, people suffer so? Oh and wit! And sarcasam. And skip everything previously uttered. As usual I own no copyrighted characters (they know who they are). I still own Inyuendo but he is now in mortal combat with his most feared enemey: (pause for dramatic effect) a Censor! On with the story.  
  
Inuyasha and Kagome were walking down a street on their way back from the airport. Inuyasha was still complaining about everything that came to mind and let Kagome know about each and every one.  
  
"Why are we walking? Why didn't we take that magic cart driven by the man who didn't speak Japanese?"  
  
"Because someone spent all my money on ramen and so we couldn't take a taxi cab. And NO taxi cab driver speaks the native language. And you're used to walking."  
  
"No I'm used to running, jumping and riding wind currents over great distances. I walk so you can keep up. And why aren't I cured yet?"  
  
"I don't know. So stop asking me that. I don't know where the guide went, I don't know which spring will turn you back and I certainly don't know where we are! So lay off."  
  
"You don't have to get all hissy about it."  
  
Inuyasha jumped on a wire fence lining the road. It fenced off people from jumping into a aqueduct.  
  
"Be careful Inuyasha. You don't want to fall in and transform. Which will you transform into I wonder? The cat girl or the sarcastic jerk?"  
  
"And you're just gonna keep wondering cause I ain't changing."  
  
"Yes you are. It's the first night of a new moon tonight."  
  
"*Tch* Whatever."  
  
"Hey, look at that."  
  
"At what?"  
  
"The two people coming this way."  
  
Kagome pointed a young boy and girl about the same age as themselves. The girl was wearing a school uniform and the boy was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. He was also walking on the fence like Inuyasha. The boy obviously said something to upset the girl as she threw her bag at him. It missed and caught Inuyasha unawares. Inuyasha grabbed the bag before it fell and threw it back at the girl, hard. The boy kicked the bag out of the way before it hit her.  
  
"You got some problem guy?" the boy shouted.  
  
"Yeah I got a problem! I don't like being hit for no reason!"  
  
"Inuyasha stop it."  
  
The girl picked up her bag and walked over.  
  
"I'm sorry. I was trying to hit Ranma here and missed. My name's Akane Tendo."  
  
The boy, prompted by Akane's elbow, bowed.  
  
"Name's Ranma Saotome."  
  
"Inuyasha."  
  
"Kagome. Nice to meet you."  
  
Akane reached over and grabbed one of Inuyasha's ears and started playing with it. Inuyasha's left eye started to twitch.  
  
"Will you please stop that."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"It's not that big of a problem. Half the people we meet do that to him."  
  
"And what gives you the right to say it's alright?"  
  
"Ah ha ha ha ha. Sit boy."  
  
*Whump* Inuyasha picked himself out of a half-dog demon, half-human shaped hole in the ground.  
  
"I didn't do anything!"  
  
"You will, you will."  
  
"Then you'll just do it again!"  
  
"You two are close friends right?"  
  
Kagome looked at Akane.  
  
"That obvious?"  
  
"Ranma and me are like that most of the time. It's getting late. Would you like to stay the night?"  
  
"Oh no we wouldn't want to be an inconvenience."  
  
"It's no problem. Our family has plenty of room. Come on."  
  
"Do you have ramen?"  
  
"Yes." Akane answered carefully, not sure of what to expect.  
  
"We'll stay. I love ramen!"  
  
"Good, it'll be the only food Akane can cook without killing someone."  
  
"Inuyasha!"  
  
"Ranma!"  
  
Akane pulled out her mallet and knocked Ranma into the sky, but not without first hitting Inuyasha in the process, sending him up as well. Kagome looked up.  
  
"Sit boy!"  
  
Inuyasha and Ranma came plummeting down to the ground. Or rather the aqueduct.  
  
"Will they be alright?"  
  
"I don't know about Inuyasha but Ranma will be fine. Oh, I guess I should fill you in on something before he comes back up."  
  
"Same thing here. Inuyasha is under some sort of curse."  
  
"Curse? From a spring?"  
  
"How'd you know?"  
  
"C-c-c-cat!"  
  
"G-g-g-girl?"  
  
"We better hurry. We have a long story on our hands."  
  
At the Tendo Dojo, Akane finished the brief explanation of Ranma's condition with the use of a diagram she made to make this sort of thing easier to explain. When Akane was done, Inuyasha went to take a bath while Kagome explained their side of the story.  
  
"So he isn't a cat?"  
  
"That's right. He's half-dog demon."  
  
"Not a cat in any way?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"He afraid of cats?"  
  
"Some sort of bizarre training exercise his father put him through. And none of this seems odd in any way to you?"  
  
Kagome thought over everything that had happened in her life since she fell down the Bone-Earter's well.  
  
"Can't say that it is. You?"  
  
Akane thought of every other one of Ranma's fiancees, each bizarre martial art style and one in three of the insane quests and competitions she had seen.  
  
"Not in the least. We even have our own demon. His name's Happosai."  
  
"Did my sweet Akane call my name?"  
  
Akane pulled out her trust mallet and sent Happosai into low orbit.  
  
"See?"  
  
"That was the most horrible evil I have ever encountered."  
  
"You haven't gotten to know him yet. It only gets worse."  
  
"You think that's bad? Inuyasha and I have to deal with things like that Hippo-sty all the time."  
  
"Happosai!"  
  
Akane offhandedly smashed Happosai back into orbit with her mallet.  
  
"That'd be nice compared to all the stupid things I have to deal with, let alone Ranma."  
  
"I know, Inuyasha can be such a jerk at times and that was before he fell into the Spring of Sarcastic Jerk."  
  
"Sarcastic Jerk? I wonder if Ranma fell into that one."  
  
"No I did not! One spring is enough."  
  
"Amen to that brother."  
  
"So Inuyasha, you get a lot of strong opponents where you're from?"  
  
"Every other day it seems. You?"  
  
"Got it timed at about every 27 hours."  
  
"That's what? Five carry the six, minus the eight, halve by the speed of sound, squared and... About what?"  
  
"Every day."  
  
"Right! That's a bunch. But if they're every day they mustn't be all that tough."  
  
"What? Well if they're every other day then they must be slow!"  
  
"You couldn't even take down ONE of Naraku's henchmen!"  
  
"You couldn't deal with one of my MINOR fiancees'!"  
  
"I bet you can't deal with what I go through!"  
  
"You're on!"  
  
"Inuyasha? You aren't doing what I think you're doing, are you?"  
  
"Ranma, are you putting you're foot in your mouth again?"  
  
"Stay out of this Kagome!"  
  
"Yeah, this is a oath between men!"  
  
*Splash*  
  
"It's a oath between what?"  
  
"Rrraaarrrr! That's not funny!"  
  
"C-c-c-cat!"  
  
Several minutes later.  
  
"Ranma out cold?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Seventeen hits to the head with a mallet will do that."  
  
"And Inuyasha?"  
  
"He'll be taking some time to crawl out of that hole."  
  
"Twelve 'Sit Boys' will do that."  
  
"But it was a good idea."  
  
"What?"  
  
"We switch places, for a week or something."  
  
"Yeah, it would be nice. It be like a vacation."  
  
"A vacation? The Feudal period isn't exactly a walk in the park. Of course being able to go back to school would be nice."  
  
"School?"  
  
"Compared to fighting demons?"  
  
"Point."  
  
"So we switch places for a week and see who had the better time. Agreed?"  
  
"Agreed."  
  
"Won't your parents be worried that you're gone?"  
  
Akane thought for the sum total of .00000000001 seconds to compile her answer.  
  
"Nope. I'll just leave a note with one of my sisters explaining things. What about your parents?"  
  
Kagome didn't even take half as long as Akane.  
  
"My Mom lets me fight demons a thousand years in the past. I don't think she'll have a fit about this. But I better write you a note to my friends just so they know."  
  
I wonder how Sango and Miroku are doing, Kagome thought.  
  
Meanwhile, in Feudal Japan, in Kaedae's village.  
  
"So Sango, where do you think Inuyasha and Kagome went?"  
  
"To find a cure I would think."  
  
"What shall we do in the meantime?"  
  
There was a momentary pause before Sango pulled out her boomerang and smacked Miroku into a wall.  
  
"Something other than touching my butt!"  
  
Outside Sesshomaru is standing on a tree limb overlooking the village, keeping a surreptitious eye on Rin playing below him. He looked at the village, waiting for his half-brother's return. A sound like a bag of meat hitting a stone drifted towards him. A house in the village had what was unmistakably a Monk-shaped protrusion in it's wall.  
  
"Perverted monk."  
  
Wasn't that fun? Well? Was it? You tell me. Please Review.  
  
P.S. Inyuendo has defeated his most feared enemy of all time! The censor is dead! But now he must deal with the (so far) unsurpassed horror that awaits him in the form of: The possibility that George "Dubya" Bush could be reelected! What will our intrepid (and throughly non-copyright infringing) hero do next? If you want Inyuendo to win and survive then I suggest you vote against Bush. And if you haven't registered, do it now! Inyuendo commands you!  
  
This fic was sponsered by the D.G.D.L.B.B.R.F. or The Dear God Don't Let Bush Be Reelected Foundation. I got five bucks to write that.  
  
P.P.S. I can admit I'm wrong. The Voice actress for Akane was the person who did KIKYO in Japanese. I've corrected the mistake in the previous chapter. I'm just glad that there's an even bigger Inuyasha fan than I to point that out for me. I guess I came to this conclusion from a quote in the book: "The Art of Inuyasha." Satsuki Yukino said: "Sometimes Kappei-san (Kappei Yamaguchi, the voice for Inuyasha) calls me Akane!" My heartfelt thanks goes to Inuyagura for informing me. Arigato Inuyagura! 


End file.
